It is what it is.
We found out we were pregnant over Christmas break. This baby was so wanted. He or she was hoped for, prayed for.
Pregnancy test after pregnancy test presented the strong pink towers. My heart swelled as each line quickly appeared.
Oh yes- We’ve wanted a baby for a long time. After years of questions, we finally had prayers answered. Oh yes- a baby to love and snuggle and to raise and to cherish. Oh yes- we are so ready to be a family of three. Oh yes- something beyond our selves to focus on. Oh yes- our world will forever be more expanded. Oh yes- a baby!
It was a rocky start. Complications from the beginning. Medical lingo floated in and out of my ears and brain, not really touching my heart.
We saw a heartbeat of our dear little baby Long. Strong and steady.
The oh nos of stress and doubt started to creep. Picturing a baby in August. Oh no- a miserably hot desert summer paired with a third trimester. How terrible! Due on the first day of school in my second year at the school. Oh no- would I be able to figure out how to handle an unpaid maternity leave and juggle that with a new class of kids? Oh no- our house is too small. Only two bedrooms, with one as Adam’s office. Oh no- we don’t know a lot of people here. The list continued.
But we were pregnant and having a baby. Even with so much scary stress, we were having a baby and nothing could be better.
Then, days later, baby was all gone. Days of breathtaking pain. Moments where pain captured my words and tears flooded my cheeks.
Baby Long was gone.